Learning to Feel Safe in the Quiet: A Dance Lesson That Changed Everything

Sometimes the most profound healing doesn’t happen in the big, dramatic moments… but in the quiet ones we once feared. Last weekend, I experienced a dance that revealed just how much my nervous system has healed and how deeply movement can guide us home to ourselves. If you’ve ever struggled with stillness, trust, or safety in connection, this story is for you.

Introduction: When Silence Never Felt Safe

For most of my life, silence was not a peaceful place.

It was a space I avoided, in conversations, in relationships, and especially inside my own body.

If you grew up in chaos…

If you lived through unpredictability…

If you learned to scan the room before you learned to breathe…

Then you may understand what I mean.

Silence wasn’t quiet.

It was the space where fear lived.

The moment before something shifted.

The breath you hold without knowing why.

So in dance, just like in life, I learned to fill every gap.

I moved quickly.

I didn’t pause.

Stillness felt threatening.

And it wasn’t until this weekend that I realized how much that pattern had shaped my dancing… and how much healing had quietly been happening underneath it.

The Dance That Taught Me a Lesson

It was just one social dance, three minutes at most.

But some dances are not just dances.

Some become mirrors.

I stepped into connection with someone who held the partnership with such steadiness that it asked something from me. I am still learning how to give:

• Patience

• Stillness

• Trust

• Receiving instead of anticipating

• Softening instead of bracing

  
  

At first, my whole body resisted it.

My instinct was to move, fill, rush, do.

Silence, even in dance, has always lived in my nervous system as a warning.

But then something surprising happened.

I softened.

My breath dropped lower.

My chest loosened.

My heart rate slowed.

And for the first time that I can remember, I met stillness and didn’t feel afraid.

I met the quiet as though it belonged there.

As though I belonged there.

It felt like a piece of my nervous system exhaled in a way that was new for me.

I realized that in the pause, in the stillness, is where creativity and connection have space to grow. I was learning to feel safe through dance.

Healing Doesn’t Always Announce Itself

Healing is funny like that.

It rarely arrives with fireworks.

It arrives disguised as:

• A breath

• A pause

• A gentle moment

• A small shift in how your body responds

  
  

Sometimes you don’t notice you’ve healed until you’re standing in a moment that used to terrify you… and you realize you’re okay.

Safe.

Present.

Accepted.

Connected.

That’s what this dance gave me.

A quiet, holy moment where trauma stepped aside and made room for trust.

And Then… Another Lesson I Didn’t Expect

Later that night, I watched a video from another dance, the one in the photo I've shared.

Funny enough, that was the dance I walked off thinking, “I didn’t do enough.”

This is a familiar old story for many of us, especially for survivors of SRA abuse:

• Did I show up well enough?

• Was I too much? Not enough?

• Did I miss something?

• Should I have tried harder?

  
  

But watching the video back…I saw something completely different.

I saw softness.

I saw subtlety.

I saw a presence I didn’t know I had offered.

And I saw a woman who has spent years healing from abuse, finally learning to trust her way into quiet.

That moment felt like another layer of healing unfolding.

Because isn’t it true…

We often judge ourselves the harshest in the moments where we are actually growing the most.

Why Dance Reveals What Words Cannot

Dance has always been the place where my mind, body, and soul finally meet in the same room.

It’s where I learned:

• How to trust safely again

• How to feel my body instead of leaving it

• How to breathe when fear tightens my chest

• How to connect without losing myself

• How to move from meaning, not fear

  
  

This is why movement is such a powerful tool for trauma healing.

When we move with intention…

When we breathe with presence…

When we experience a safe connection, even for seconds,

Our nervous system learns a new story.

A story that says:

“You’re safe now.”

“You don’t have to brace.”

“You can breathe again.”

“You can receive.”

“You can pause.”

“You can soften.”

And sometimes it takes one dance, just one, to reveal how much of that story has already been written into our bodies.

To the Partners Who Have Held Space For Me

This part I want to say slowly, because it comes directly from my heart.

There is something unbelievably beautiful about a partner who can offer safety on the dance floor and in life.

Someone who:

• waits when you rush,

• listens when your body tenses,

• matches your breath,

• meets you with patience,

• and holds the connection steady enough for you to lean in.

  
  

Not control.

Not overpower.

Just a steady presence.

That kind of presence is healing, in ways those partners may never fully understand.

So, to those who have given me those moments…

Thank you.

For your steadiness.

Your kindness.

Your gentleness.

Your patience.

Your ability to let the quiet breathe.

Your willingness to hold connection without pressure.

Those moments have been more than “good dances.

”They have been pieces of my healing.

And I hope you know the gift you’ve offered without even realizing it.

Why This Matters for You (Yes, You Reading This)

I share this not because the story is unique to me,

But because so many people carry the same wounds silently.

If you’ve ever…

• struggled to trust,

• felt unsafe in stillness,

• moved quickly because your body didn’t know how to pause,

• filled every moment so you didn’t have to feel what lived underneath,

• judged yourself for “not doing enough,”

• longed for connection but feared vulnerability…

  
  

You are not alone.

Your nervous system isn’t broken.

Your healing isn’t behind.

Your story isn’t too much.

There is a softer way forward for you.

A gentler pace.

A safer connection.

A steadier breath.

A new relationship with the quiet.

And sometimes, often, that healing begins with the smallest shift.

A pause.

A breath.

A moment of connection that feels safe enough to stay.

Final Thoughts: The Beauty in the Quiet

This weekend reminded me of something I hope stays with me:

There is beauty in the quiet.

There is healing in the pause.

There is power in softness.

There is courage in stillness.

There is wisdom in waiting.

And there is a profound transformation when your body finally feels safe enough to trust again.

If this resonates with you…

If you’ve struggled with silence, with trust, with safety in connection, I hope you know this:

You can heal.

You can soften.

You can trust again.

And you deserve partners,  in dance and in life, who meet you with the kind of safety that allows your nervous system to breathe.

A Gentle Invitation: Dance to Uplift

If you’re reading this and something inside you whispered, “I want to feel that too…” I want you to know that this is exactly why I created Dance to Uplift.

Dance to Uplift isn’t just about West Coast Swing.

It isn’t about performance, perfection, or memorizing patterns.

It’s about:

• reconnecting with your body

• softening your nervous system

• learning to trust again

• building confidence through movement

• finding joy you can feel from the inside out

• and discovering a connection that feels safe, steady, and true

  
  

Every class I teach is trauma-aware, heart-centered, and rooted in the belief that movement is medicine, especially for those who have lived through seasons where safety wasn’t guaranteed.

If you’re craving:

• deeper connection with yourself

• a safe space to move and breathe

• healing through somatic practice

• community rooted in compassion

• or simply more joy, passion, and meaning in your life

  
  

…I would love to welcome you into one of my upcoming January classes.

January Offerings Include:

• Move with Meaning — Level 1 “Rooted” & Level 2 “Connected” (West Coast Swing for adults in Utah County)

• Play Passionately — a ladies’ styling + breathwork class to awaken presence, sensuality, and confidence

• Live in Love — a 4-week connection-centered date-night series for couples

  
  

Each of these classes is designed to help you move not just with your feet…

But with your heart.

Your breath.

Your soul.

If dance has been calling to you or if your nervous system is craving safety, connection, and joy, I would love to have you join.

You deserve spaces where your body can soften.

Where your heart can open.

Where the quiet feels safe again.

And where movement helps you remember the parts of you that have been waiting to be seen.

Learn more or register at DanceToUplift.com,  I’d be honored to have you.